The psychology of worry

"There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will."

Epictetus

When it comes to worrying, my wife and I have a mutual understanding: She is to do all the worrying, and I am to let her. If you were to ask her why she worries so much, she would say it’s because she has to do the worrying for two people.

Worry is a common human response to challenge and uncertainty. The word “worry” is not a technical or well-defined psychological term, but it is probably related to the emotional state known as anxiety. Not all worry is considered undesirable and to be avoided, however. A distinction can be made between a healthy concern, leading to preparation for a challenging event, and less healthy nervousness or anxiety which serves no useful function. The distinction rests upon whether or not the emotion is helpful in achieving some desired outcome.

It is well established that nervousness or anxiety can, under certain circumstances, enhance a performance of a task. Research in sports psychology, for example, suggests that there is an optimal level of physiological arousal or anxiety, which leads to improvement in players’ performances. Too much or too little arousal can interfere with performance. Skilled coaches know how to manipulate athletes’ levels of arousal in such a way as to optimize their performance.

Likewise, many performers, such as actors and musicians admit to experiencing nervousness or anxiety, sometimes called “stage fright” before a public performance. Effective performers are able to use this experience to their advantage, creating an edge to their performance. Others may feel overwhelmed by nervousness and anxiety, so much so, that they avoid performing. Many people, for example, experience a debilitating fear of public speaking, and refuse to speak before a group.

Worry can sometimes present as a passive mental activity which is unpleasant and unproductive. This type of worry is characterized by the phrase, “spinning your wheels.” Worrying is sometimes performed as habit, a ritual to ward off undesirable events. Some people experience repetitive, unwanted, and intrusive thoughts called obsessions. These are often disturbing, and can interfere with normal functioning.

According to cognitive behavior theory advanced by psychologists like Albert Ellis, emotions like anxiety are intimately associated with our thoughts or self-statements, the conversation which goes on inside our heads. Rational thoughts are associated with healthy, adaptive emotions and effective behavior. Irrational thoughts are associated with disturbing, emotions and ineffective behavior.

Faced with the challenge of having to give a public speech, for example, I can disturb myself by thinking, “I must do well. I must not make a mistake or say something stupid. If I do, the audience will not approve of me. If the audience does not approve of me, it proves I am stupid and worthless.”

Thinking in this way would likely have the effect of increasing my anxiety level to a point at which I am unable to perform at my best, consequently increasing the probability of a screw-up during my speech.

If, on the other hand, I think more rationally, my self-talk might go something like this: “I hope to do well; however, being human, it is not out of the question that I could make a mistake, even say something stupid. It is even possible the audience will not approve of me. But if I don’t perform well, as I prefer, it’s still all right. Likewise, I would prefer to receive the audience’s approval, but if I don’t get it, that’s OK. My worth is not affected. Through the experience, I can, nevertheless, improve my speaking skills and perhaps perform better in the future.

Thinking in this way would likely have a calming effect, reducing my anxiety, and in the process, decreasing my chance of making a serious blunder. In the likely event I do make a mistake, or perform below my standard, I can recover quickly and generally offer a better performance than I would in a heightened state of anxiety.

The good news, I suppose, is that we have a great deal of control over our thoughts. Even though much of our thinking is done rather automatically, with practice we can learn to recognize irrational, unhealthy thinking that is associated with disturbed emotions. By disputing and changing that type of thinking, we can change disturbed, unhelpful emotions to more appropriate ones that are more compatible with effective behavior.

But don’t tell this to my wife. We have this mutual understanding…